Decision

So you remember that guy I was talking about?  Yeah, me too.  I made a decision.  I decided not to date him. 
          I think I had known that for a while, but I couldn't quite let go.  Yesterday I went to service and went to lunch with a friend and somehow I knew I couldn't date him in the spiritual condition he's in.  I am in love with him. How much more would it hurt to say no to this six months from now?  Or would I even have the strength or will to do it? 
                    So, I said no.  I feel okay about it.  God told me their is peace with obedience and He's given me peace.  Maybe he'll get saved and it will work out, maybe he won't, but I have to let go.
          What a sadly happy occasion.  Letting go to grab hold of a whole different sort of future.  Well hold on to your hats kids, it's going to be a bumpy ride! :)

Mash Up

I feel like I might be a bit schizophrenic in this post, bear with me. 
I currently have a boyfriend :) 
             Well, to be more accurate a boy who wants to be my boyfriend, who I am not sure should be.  What's the problem you ask?  Well, he is not saved. 
                   Why are you dating him then?  Well, because he was my first love and I've missed him.  

So you see my conundrum.  I really like him, but I'm not sure I should date him.  I felt like God was saying I needed to give it up and I did, for a couple of days:}.  Then I somehow made it back to where I had just left. 
                I love him and I love HIM.  God always wins, of course.  But is He saying give him up or just make sure you don't loose focus on me.  (I was loosing focus.)  I don't know.  Or maybe I don't want to know. 

              But, I've got to take the blinders off so I can move on.  One way or the other.  I've got to make progress. Otherwise I'm going to drown.  What do you think?   What would you do? 

The Problem

I've grown up in a Christian Home for all of my life, but I am just now really attempting to find God.  I have had an up and down experience with God I'm saved then I'm not.  Or I'm saved and then sin enters and it breaks up all the ground I had just cleared.  I don't believe that once you are saved you are always saved. For many of you that may seem strange.  I simply believe that a Christian is one who follows Christ and if you aren't following Him you aren't a Christian.  Simple and complex all at the same time.  I have a pattern with God.  Me and Him we do okay then he asks for something for a deeper relationship with me and that freaks me out.  I decide to try but then I can't follow through so now I'm drifting disobeying and disobedience leads to sin.  Then I'm sorry and I don't want to leave God so I apologize and determine to do better the next time.  But the next time is like the time before and the time before that.  God has been patient and kind with me, but every time I choose to disobey, to sin, I make it harder for myself to obey the next time.  So I'm on a fast to discover God and his mission for my life.  I'm determined 2012 won't be like every other year.  He saved me for greater things and I have to figure out what those are.  Pray my strength, as they say.  :)